had to change the name to mAh lifeeee

FOr all you who read this, this is what i mean about being broken. You know living in God's love does make me feel complete and is the greatest feeling but idk i must have a mental retardation that says "oh God makes you super happy, now lets go the other way." does anyone relate with me here? im not a self rightuous idiot like most im not going to hide how i feel or who i am. I mess up im a dick a douch sure call me whatever i don't care... you know i feel like im loving others and like sure i receive love sometimes back but sometimes not and sometimes i want someone to do for me what im doing for others i want someone to just reach out and love me cuz i am dying inside. The craziest thing is that i have a heart to reach out to these broken people and want to love them but yet deep inside Im just the broken kid myself. Will someone love me for me? maybe thats why ive been so girl crazy all my life, cuz i want that love from someone and too just be loved and shown it without having to do anything... and its stupid cuz God gives that love yet me its likeoh go somewhere else or what not. i saw myself getting this way and asked God to break me down.. well this must be it.. Im broken down and i hate my life right now so yeah.. sorry for alll you that got a buzz from the message i gave saturday i really mean those things i said dont doubt that cuz how i feel now.. im only human and i can feel like shit every once in a while to right?? well i just hit rock bottom.. God hope you can do something with that or send someone or something please?..... its like those split personality, one knows how to live in christ and an be fufilled while the other is just a broken piece of crap that goes and messes up galore and gets everyone to hate him. i should draw a picture of that.. well i feel like shiz, have work tomorrow, going to start that drawing.. goodnight america